It’s ok to be terrified every now and then. 

Im off on my first true solo trip to hike the Camino de Santiago. I’ll be crossing the Pyrenees from St. Jean Pied Port, in France, into Spain and walking 500 miles through Spain to Santiago. 

I got a pretty nice deal on a flight with crappy layovers. So I’m currently sitting here in New Jersey with my thoughts for over 7 hours. I’ll be gone for a minimum of 6 weeks (the length-ish of the hike). I chose to get a one way ticket so I didn’t feel rushed through any part of the walk, and would also have the option to continue traveling afterward. I’ve been nothing but excited, and counting down the days until this trip for months! Now I’m sitting here in New Jersey and it doesn’t feel real. 
That one way ticket seemed really romantic. It’s really cool beans to post cute travel photos and plane hop around the world, but I’m just going to be honest, this time I’m terrified. I’ve always had a clear destination and a group of people waiting there when I arrive, but this is the first time I’m all alone, and I’m not ashamed to admit it’s scarier than I anticipated. 

Being the adrenaline junky I am, you’d think this fear would bring me some kind of thrill, and in a way it does. I typically experience every emotion in the most extreme form it offers up, so I guess if I’m going to be scared, it might as well be shitless. 

I think every human should have the chance to experience the most extreme feelings there are to feel here on Earth, at least once. Being so in love that you’re not sure you still actually have feet, having your heart broken so badly that you question its ability to rebuild, being so elated that you have to emit some sort of joyous bellow from your gut, and being so terrified that you feel every organ in that gut when you swallow. I’m here for it. 

I’m thankful to be able to enjoy a little bit of unknown and sit in this growth. 

One thing that brings me that overwhelming sense of gratitude and humility is the love that I am blessed with from every corner of my life. Every time I step away, I’m reminded of the wealth of a safety net that I have in humans. If you’re a part of that net in any way, I hope you feel even a tiny smidgen of the friendship and family you’ve shared with me. Seriously, thank you. I don’t feel deserving to know so many wonderful humans that make me feel this loved. 

Sometimes we have to walk away from situations to realize what we love about them, and also what we weren’t so happy with. I may have taken the “walk” part too literally, but here we go. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s